http://madasaboxof.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/normal-0-false-false-false-en-gb-x-none.html

Rawlinson End

By Vivian Stanshall

A tale of everyday country folk from the extraordinary mind of Vivian Stanshall.

An episodic radio serial that spawned CD's, a film and a book

The story so far.

Towered and turreted, feudal and reactionary, the great house of Rawlinson End endures, as does its master Sir Henry Rawlinson. Its chambers and dusty corridors hung with portraits of Rawlinsons and Maynards past now gaze down on many grotesque inhabitants.

The grounds, laid with its womanly lawns, contain a lake and a Great Maze or Pickle designed by Incapability Brown, which has long since overgrown and collapsed upon itself. Those who now enter are never seen again, this included a local vicar brought over to consecrate it. It is now the domain of the last living dinosaur, a diplodocus Sir Henry has named Plunch. There is a family cemetery, the Victory Garden, where Rawlinsons and favoured servants are buried upright to save space and better fertilise the vegetables.

Less than a mile North from the house as the crow flies, longer by road along Gibbet Fork and up the Oxbrake Road, is the village with a newsagents, grocers, and the local hostelry, the Fool and Bladder. The pub stands on the banks of the River Riddle (therefore called the 'Jimmy') , there the locals can enjoy a pint a scrumpy or three. The public house faces Sensible Green, a molehill blighted cricket pitch. Other nearby places includes the hamlet Wankers Grunge, the town of Idlewater, and the dreadful encroaching Concreton.

Just beyond Rawlinson End, on the arterial road to Concreton, is the municipal sewerage works. Sir Henry makes clandestine visits here, finding relief from his chronic lumbago by bathing in its mud pools.

Concreton with its tower blocks and winking lights can be seen in the distance.

Sir Henry says it is the future and it hates us. It seems to get nearer all the time.

Regardless, the launderette has its uses, so does the local tattooist.

Cast of Characters

Sir Henry Rawlinson	Master of the Great House at Rawlinson End, aged, blustering and suffering from chronic lumbago.From his reminiscences we know of his colonial service in Africa in the thirties, India, Burma, and Indonesia. Burma gave him a taste for curry, and Indonesia some hardwood teeth. Then there was the campaign against Rommel in the Kalahari In idle moments, gazing into the fire, he likes to relive the bombing of Dresden (February 1945).Passes his time drinking, shooting, thwarting escapees from his private POW camp, and being important.
Great Aunt Florrie	Henry's wife, Lord Portly's sister. Aged but still beautiful. Spends her days sipping tea and knitting an interminable beige thing.
Hubert Rawlinson	Henry's brother, in his mid forties and still strange. As a character he started as Hubert Maynard, variously described as Ralphs brother-in-law and uncle.He dreams his days away, entertains dinner guests with bird impressions and plays a ukelele. Has a game leg he can unscrew.His bedroom contains a collection of rotting fruit which leeches into the dining hall below, this leads Henry to wear a souwester indoors.
Humbert Rawlinson	Henry's dead brother. A big man, a ladies man, Henry describes him as a satyr. Florries real love.He was accidentaly killed by Henry in a drunken duck shooting incident. He was making an escape, trouserless, from Seth Onetooth in a boat after a bankside tryst with Rosie Onetooth.His moleskin trousers now hang like a hunting trophy over tha bar of the Fool and Bladder, while he haunts the Great House because a son of Rawlin cannot be seen dead without trousers.
Henry's mother	A woman Sir Henry thinks a lot of, and wishes he didn't. She sported a large moustache which made the goodnight kiss of childhood a nightmare experience.She attended Humberts funeral, now, unknown to Florrie, living in a distant chamber at Rawlinson End and hasn't eaten any of the food for years.
Sir Hillary Rawlinson	The cheerful old master of the house. Father of Humbert, Henry, and Hubert in that order. He returned from Cairo in 1888.
Ralph Rawlinson	Dashing young Ralph, pronounced Raif. Sporting, known to play horseback snooker and cricket.
Gerald Rawlinson	A loathesome teenager with a squint and acne. He hates everybody. He likes to deface gnomes.
Candice Rawlinson	Observes the goings on in the house from her hideaway in the Round Room.
Peregin StJohn Ponsonby Rawlinson	His time is mainly spent at the gentlemans London club, the Dorian Gray. He still hasn't done it, but he's been close.
Timothy and Laticia Maynard	A couple of near children with a prurient interest in vivisection. At that difficult age (wanking).
Lord Tarquin Portly of Staines and Lady Philippa Portly of Staines	Family attenders at Rawlinson End Eatings. He a lisping chinless wonder, she a wattle necked, turkey legged soak. His money keeps the estate going.
Doris and Boris Hazard	Card playing partners who lubricate themselves in Rawlinson company. Boris is sometimes referred to as Harold.
Mrs Radcliffe	A dreadful American woman with gorgonzola legs. Sexually liberated.
Old Scrotum	The crack throated wrinkled old retainer. Has cared for Henry since he was a child.
Mrs E	The housekeeper of the great house. A martyr to her aches and pains.
Seth and Rosie Onetooth	Landlords at the Fool and Bladder. Seth was once the face jumping champion of the village. They also run a business as poultry suppliers using the motto ' Turkey to the Gentry, Poultry to the Lowly'..
Reg Smeeton	Local newsagent and human encyclopedia.
William 'Buller' Bullethead	Local spiv
Dick Gruffly	A local ruffian and cause of the glove tax.
Three Waistcoats LeFevre	Fool and Bladder drinker.
Rodney Bladderknot	Fool and Bladder drinker.
Doctor Hatringer	Fool and Bladder drinker.
Nipper Tewkes	Can be found bashing the joanna in the Fool. Lost most of his fingers rescuing the horses from a fire in the stables. After physiotherapy his 'nippers' became so strong it was not a good idea to shake his hand.
Mr. Stumpy	Loosening up after seven pints will play the arrers over his shoulder.
Grampus Kipple	Local, troubled with flatulence.
Ben Quakebuttock	The blind old poacher.
Teddy Tidy and Nigel Nice	A couple of resting theatrical artistes who lodge at the Fool and Bladder and run a mobile house cleaning business called 'Nice and Tidy'. A right couple of pairs.
Doctor and Dulcie Headstuffing	The doctor reluctantly mans the stomach pump at the festive Eatings at the house and treats the blistered for Sir Henry's Blemish. .
Reverend Slodden	Clergyman defrocked, ex Broadmoor, excorcist. Has a wooden leg and is thinking of becoming a vegetarian.
PC Gibbon	The local bobby of West Indian origin.
Cumberpatch Snr	The old groundsman now buried upright in Victory Garden. Hated wasps, always wore bicycle clips when mowing the lawn.
Repentance Pimple	Also buried in Victory Garden due to his unusal ability to tup sheep using his remaining three front teeth.
Mrs Bladderknot	Lives in Wakers Grunge. A cat lover.
Mrs Stretch	Lives in Wankers Grunge, earned Mrs E's eternal loathing for marrying the late Jack.
Mrs Giraffe	A male(?) plumber,maintainer of the pipes at Rawlinson End and palaeontologist.
Bonzo	A Whelkhound who can usually find the lady
Plunch	A diplodocus with two brains and a squeaky voice
Gums	The bulldog,now stuffed and mounted on a trolley. He has three pedals to operate his jaws, wag his tail, and cock his leg which empties the bladder. Humbert takes him walkies.

http://www.parareligion.ch/bowie.htm